Conversations

When Gary and I found out we were pregnant with Matthew, I remember picturing different scenes in my mind about being a mommy. I distinctly remember picturing riding in the car, conversing with my little one! I'm living out that dream today. While it may not be the typical type of conversation for a 2.5 year old - I'm lovin' every bit of it!

Matthew will pick up random words, especially from the news on the radio. His articulation is advanced, and he'll repeat some pretty big words and stick them into conversation. He has no idea what they mean, it cracks me up!

Here is a conversation we had on the way home from small group today. While the mommy's meet for group, some friends watch our kids for us.

Matthew: I missed you!

Me: I missed you too!

Matthew: Play with Kari.

Me: Who else did you play with?

Matthew: Faif (Faith), Cora, Jat (Jack)

Matthew: forecasting. forecasting! FORECASTING!!!!! (Until I acknowledge this)

Me: Yes, forecasting.

Matthew: What's that say? (As he sees road sign.)

Me: Road work ahead.

Matthew: Road work ahead. Protest

Me: Yes, protest.

Matthew: I missed you.

Me: I missed you too.

Matthew: Go home. Go night-nights.

Me: Yep, its almost time for night-nights.

Its so much fun! I'm loving it!

Let it be known...

That on this day, Feb 6 at 5:15 pm, Matthew looked at me and spontaneously said "I love you, Mommy." Then, 10 minutes later he asked for a kiss.

Life.Is.Good.

Naps & Night Sleep

Its naptime, and as I type, Matthew is upstairs in his room singing and saying his ABC's. I think its safe to say there will be no nap today.

After he was born, the first night we had him home from the hospital, he slept in our bedroom. That night, I noticed that he would stir at the slightest noise we made. Something I thought was odd for a newborn. On the good advice from a few of my sisters, we moved him into his own room the next night. They said that both he and Gary and I will sleep better. As he got a little older, I would have to cover his eyes with a burp cloth or my hand to get him to sleep. My mom told me once that he's going to figure out that he can pull that cloth off. I told her I'd deal with that when I had to. LOL!

The best way that I can explain it is that Matthew has always had trouble "shutting off his brain". He remains an extremely light sleeper and doesn't sleep in the car, and rarely anywhere else besides his own bed in his own room. Developmental milestones always wreak havoc on his sleep. When he started talking, I thought he was never going to take a nap again! We were both exhausted! In his room, I have heavy black craft paper duct taped over the windows and a radio is on, turned to static for white noise. That is my attempt to block out any stimulation. He's never been a great napper. There's been periods of time that he's done really well, but over all you never know what a new day will bring.

His night sleep is and has always been, MUCH better. I can't remember the last time I've had to go in his room in the night because he was crying. I've read that day and night sleep occur in 2 different parts of our brain. This makes perfect sense to me!

Trust me, I've sung woes about this and looked jealously at my friends whose kiddos who can fall asleep on anyone's shoulder in the middle of a crowded, noisy room. Since his diagnosis though, I count myself fortunate. I've had to complete many many pages of questions about Matthew's sleep. It hasn't been easy, but I don't think his sleep is generally any worse than a "typical" child who isn't a good sleeper. Going to appointments for Matthew at children's hospitals, I've walked past many doors with signs posted that read "Quiet, please. Sleep studies are going on." I whisper a prayer of thanks when I pass those.

Looking back, the best thing we did was to establish a consistent routine. Matthew, like most if not all children with Autism, is most comfortable when he knows what to expect next. He gets this honestly from his mama too. :) When its time for night-night at 8:00, he goes without protest or complaint. I realize that he's only 2.5 and this could change, but am thoroughly enjoying it now!

A no-nap day like today makes for lloonngg afternoons, but also calls for early bedtimes! So, there is a silver lining tonight!




I love the picture below. Its one of the VERY few we have of him sleeping! I remember this day very well. He was at a sitters in the morning and couldn't nap. So I brought him home, laid with him on our bed and worked and worked for several hours to get him to sleep and STAY sleeping. He had a good long afternoon nap, but still had an overtired meltdown before bed that night.

Things are a little easier these days, thank goodness!

Top Chefs!!

I think pancakes is one of Matthew's favorite foods. I once had to cut him off, because 6 pancakes is enough for a 2 year old and he kept wanting more! Granted, they weren't huge, but still! He eats a lot. I'm not sure where he puts it all, and we're always being told by his Dr's that he's small for his age. Maybe too small.

He made pancakes with Daddy last Saturday morning for breakfast and thought he was big stuff when he got to help stir.

I know this is blurry - I can't seem to take good pictures with our camera! ARG!

Its fun to play in crates!!

I was cleaning the dog's crate and corner, and Matthew thought it was GREAT fun to play inside of the crate. No, we did NOT put him in it and lock the door, nor is this where he sleeps! LOL!!

The "Ugly W"

It seems that the most comfortable way for Matthew to sit is with his legs beside him, bent at the knees. This is referred to as the "Ugly W" by many of his therapists and we are constantly telling Matthew to "fix your legs." He then flips them out in front of him. It is very hard on hips - but I guess when you only weigh 28 or so pounds, its not uncomfortable at all. We're trying to break him of the habit now - but its not easy. Hopefully when he gets bigger and heavier, it won't feel that good and he'll stop. We hope.

I've asked many therapists whether it is the CAUSE of loose hip joints or the RESULT of loose hip joints and have never got a solid answer and the answers vary.

Here is Matthew sitting in the W.

I stuck his legs in the "pretzel" position. Its clearly not as comfy for him. He blinked, so that is why he looks a little drugged...

Being Matthew's Mommy

This is a post that I've been both looking forward to and procrastinating about. I wanted to get my thoughts down and organized, so please bear with me.

Some days are definitely more difficult than others. Usually it doesn't have to do with Matthew or his behavior as much as my frame of mind. Sometimes his differences are glaringly obvious to me. Many days I have cried on the way home from a playdate after watching him stand on the sidelines either unsure of how to participate or too afraid to join in. Some days, no matter how hard I try, I can't get him to stop stimming or play with his toys in new or different ways. I worry about school. Will he have friends? Will other children make fun of him? Will he be able to read a story and comprehend what he is reading? Will he panic at every school bell and fire drill because of the noise? I worry about his future. Will he ever be able to empathize with and relate to others? Get married? Have a family and give us grandbabies? Will he be able to grasp and comprehend what his Savior did for him by dying on the cross?

Then, other days I can rejoice at how far he has come. This week I watched him in a crowd of children; It was very noisy, he was getting jostled and shoved and not complaining or minding a bit and I LOVED IT. I didn't mind at all that he frequently plugged his ears. On those days I can listen to him sing songs and smile instead of freaking out that he is repeating things verbatim. (A common thing with Autism.) On those days I can easily choose to celebrate what he has accomplished instead of feeling defeated when I think of how far we have to go. And that is huge. He has come very far and I have every expectation and hope that he will continue to progress and improve.

I don't know why God chose us to be his parents. There are many out there who are wiser, better, more educated in Autism who He could have chosen. But, He did in fact chose us - something I don't take lightly. I continually pray for wisdom and energy to be Matthew's mommy. There is a book that we read to Matthew every night entitled "The Three Trees" and the last few lines of it reads: "And so we see, God's ways are not always our ways, but His ways are always best." I read this to Matthew and kiss him good night and tell him that I love him, and that Jesus loves him even more and that Jesus has a plan for his life and is going to use him someday.

What it all boils down to is that I love being Matthew's mommy and I wouldn't trade it for the world - and I'm humbled to be used by God in this way.

Now, I'm going to go play!